I think a lot of Rep. Ron Paul's ideas are completely whacked, like ending the income tax, doing away with the Federal Reserve, withdrawing from NATO and the United Nations, and eliminating all federal government agencies.
But, I solidly agree with him when he speaks out against our interventionist foreign policy and calls for the supremacy of the Constitution, the right of habeas corpus for all political detainees, the end of the Patriot Act, and the end of "don’t ask, don't tell" in favor of a policy that investigates disruptive behavior by any person including heterosexuals. Also, he is the only Republican candidate to vote against the resolution to go to war with Iraq.
Above all, I agree that our obscenely massive military spending along with the overextension of our forces throughout the world will be the thing that undoes us as a nation. Throughout history such overextension has been the demise of empires greater than ours, and we are already seeing the seams coming apart as more and more people sink into poverty and the middle class struggles to stay afloat. Oh…and have to you checked the dollar lately?!
Something big is happening when a hard core Democrat like me feels partially aligned with a fringe Republican candidate. But then Ron Paul is not exactly fringe. He is a phenomenon.
On December 16 he made political history by raising over $6 million dollars in 24 hours, solely through grassroots organizations. Jason George of the Baltimore Sun reports from Iowa that Ron Paul's headquarters is outgrowing office space at an astounding rate. And yesterday came the news that Paul has raised more money than any other Republican in the late three months of 2007 -- $19.5 million to Giuliani's 11.5 million. That puts him in Hillary's orbit.
Like MGM's Droopy the Dog, an unprepossessing Basset Hound whose "incredible strength given his diminutive stature and unassuming looks and personality" is surprising, Ron Paul might actually best his opponents with a powerful and direct hit on caucus day.
My friend Kathleen has an awesome Greyhound named Oliver. When I asked her sister, Valerie, to take a picture of him standing for a collage I was making, she reported that it was impossible. "He's either napping or running full speed." A check of Greyhounds on Wikipedia confirms this tendancy. "[They] are often referred to as forty-five mile an hour couch potatoes." That sounds like Senator Barack Obama.
"Wake me up in time for Iowa."
I'm not saying Obama is a couch potato, but when comparing his dazzling keynote address at the 2004 Democratic Convention, his moving announcement to run for president, and his packed arena Oprah tours to his stalled campaign throughout the summer and well into the fall, it appears that he, too, has two modes, napping or racing. And suddenly, today, we wake up to a new year with news from the Des Moines Register that Obama is polling at 32% to Clinton's 25% and Edwards's 24%. It looks like Obama is back on the racetrack and he's going to win.
Now, I've chosen specifically the Italian Greyhound to represent Senator Obama because IGs have tremendous strength for such fragile looking dogs. And, "their large, strong lungs enable a bark that is deeper than one might expect from a small dog." Every time Obama speaks I'm surprised by the deep tone of his voice.
I'm also struck by the look in women's eyes when they attend his rallies. They seem wistful, like they are flashing back to their first Bon Jovi concert in 1984. Women like his beauty, elegance, and groove. I think Obama might have earned the nomination with this dance move on Ellen:
I think he might have earned the presidency with this Hillary zinger at the last debate:
Finally, he looked cool again. Not just cool as in control, but cool as in "I want to be like that guy." You see, men like cool.
Add to that the fact that from movies like Hitch and Bringing Down the House, to TV shows like The King of Queens and Scrubs, and advertising like this "Play Artist Korn" Ford Focus ad…
...white dudes are categorically uncool now. In fact, it could be argued that in today's culture white dudes are the new dumb blondes.
The Olly Girls
And we have been run off the rails by a cabal of scary, conniving white dudes. Face it. Even Condoleezza Rice is a white dude.
So, combine the massive outpouring of money into the Democratic coffers, the rabid hatred of Hillary, the ascendance of a super cool, good-looking (ok, I'll say it -- sexy) candidate who finally realizes the race is on, and you get a winner. You get President Barack Obama. Rock on!
I don't see Senator Hillary Clinton as a piece of dog art. I see her as a certain celebrity dog who splashed across our front-pages this April upon the death of her owner: Leona Helmsley's Trouble.
Just as the 8-year-old Maltese made headlines for inheriting $12 million from the late Queen of Mean, Hillary made history by shattering fundraising records when she reported $26 million for her presidential war chest in the first quarter of 2007.
Then, there is the biting. Helmsley's former housekeeper, Zamfira Sfara, filed a lawsuit claiming Trouble bit her dozens of times and inflicted permanent nerve damage.
Hillary doesn't bite, she kneecaps. Or rather, she has her political henchmen do it. First, NH co-chair Billy Shaheen postulated to the Washington Post that Barack Obama's drug use as a young man could threaten his electibility, because the Republicans would use it against him.
Hillary graciously apologized to Obama, giving the story another round on the news cycle, before she sent her senior strategist Mark Penn to Hardball where he got the words Obama and cocaine on the air a few more times in the matter of minutes. This guy would make Machiavelli blush.
And don't get me started on former Senator Bob Kerrey announcing his endorsement of Hillary and then lauding Obama for having the middle name Hussein and attending a secular madrassa. I think that's more than a dog bite. It's called sticking the shiv in.
Now, let's look at the grooming. This is what Trouble might look like after Hillary's style consultants got a hold of her:
"I'm your girl!"
In the dog world, a bow is the equivalent to a pastel pantsuit.
And finally there is the issue of Bill. Here I will mix metaphors a little and view Hillary as Bill's keeper. Just as Barbara Woodhouse tells us there are No Bad Dogs, only bad owners, so too there are no bad wives, only women that put up with bad behavior.
Maybe Bill has changed. Maybe he won't soil the carpet in the Oval Office again. But judging from his recent remarks about being against the Iraq war from the beginning, and asserting that Hillary's first order of business when she is elected will be to send him and George 41 on an "America's open for business tour, " it appears he is still suffering from an impulse control problem.
Bill needs to be kept on a tight leash like David Choe's Hell Houndz.
If Hillary really wanted to be an agent for change, she would have had the courage to disassociate herself from Bill years ago. Unfortunately they are locked in some kind of "Manchurian Candidate" psycho-grip that neither is willing or able to break.
"Bill/Hill is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life."
Look, is Angela Lansbury in the Clintons' living room?!
The giant queen of hearts card was out of shot when she announced her presidential run.
I've watched enough A&E Interventions to know that the only way to help people who are locked in a state denial is to stop enabling them. Please, America, help the Clintons help themselves and vote for someone else. I can't take another 8 years of watching them chew up the furniture and then pretend that that's ok.