Dog Art Today

Grief: You'd Think I Would Be Over It By Now

Self-portrait of photographer E.A. Scholfield in a rocking chair with a dog, c. 1860-1880

There's an excellent article on grief in The New York Times by psychiatrist Mark Epstein entitled "The Trauma of Being Alive."  I highly recommend it with one caveat; I wish it had gone further debunking the myth of the "five stages" of grief.

It's crucial to know that the book the "five stages" are based on, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's On Death and Dying, is about dealing with a terminal diagnosis and facing one's own death.

It's NOT about grieving.

There are no five stages.

The article "Stages of Grief: The Myth" by Russell Friedman looks at how Kübler-Ross's groundbreaking though unscientific 1969 exploration of death became conflated with grief (and the author's own anger issues) and since its publication has devastated people in their efforts to grieve.

In my own experience, I found the "five stages" cut and pasted into every pet bereavement website I visited after Darby died.  And it really messed me up.  It wasn't until I read Russell Friedman and John W. James's The Grief Recovery Handbook and I discovered that the "five stages" are bunk, that I began coming to the surface.

Please visit Russell and James's website The Grief Recovery Method for more information.

Hat tip to Deb Brown of Art from Ashes, a company that makes handcrafted glass remembrances from loved-ones' ashes, for sharing the NYT article with me.

James Ruby Q + A

Darby and Tyler Foote by James Ruby, 2013

After Darby died, Cleveland-based dog artist James Ruby gifted me with a portrait of him. Then, a few months later, he surprised me with a portrait of my new dog Tyler Foote. The two paintings sit on my mantle and together they have a special power.

Grieving Darby took a toll on my creativity.  I haven't finished my "Darby Calendar."  And guilt, frustration, and paralysis blockaded the projects I thought about beginning with my new muse.   It's been lose/lose. No Darby art. No Tyler art.  No art. 

Seeing my boys together, painted in the unifying style of a single artist, has been very therapeutic.  When I look at the portraits I see cohesion that gives the process of grief and recovery continuity.  And it gives me permission to live in the overlap.  These are my dogs, together.  Loving and focusing on one doesn't negate the other.  I've known that intellectually, but actually honoring it, getting back in the studio, has been a challenge.  The paintings are making a difference that surprises me.

James Ruby's portraits of Darby and Tyler Foote on my mantle

I wanted to explore the delicate issue of painting dogs who have died with James and talk to him about his process.  Here is our Q + A:

Moira McLaughlin: Is your approach different painting a dog that has died or one that is alive (example: Darby vs. Tyler)?

James Ruby: When I’m contacted to paint a portrait of a pet, I always prefer to take reference photos myself.  Often, though, distance requires me to instruct the pet owner on taking a few photos that will work best or maybe even a short video.  When I’m commissioned to paint a portrait of a deceased pet, my approach to the canvas depends greatly on the reference photographs that are available. If none of the images captures the details or an angle that I would normally try to capture, I may choose to proceed with a more traditional composition.

James Ruby's Dog Portraits Gallery

MM: have you had a dog who's passed away and then painted him/her after the death?

JR: I've never painted a portrait of a deceased pet of my own. Prior to Smooch and Newburgh, I hadn’t owned a dog since high school.

MM: Do you paint many portraits of Smooch and Newburgh, or wish you could paint them more?

JR: Smooch and I have been together for eleven years and he’s been the subject of five of my paintings. I have painted my newest addition, Newburgh, twice since he wandered his way to my home in January.   Smooch is enjoying the reprieve from being my muse.

Smooch #3, 2013

Smooch #4, 2013

Newburgh, 2013

Newburgh #2, 2013

MM: Did you begin with this style of the intimate dog close-up? Or did your work evolve?

JR: Although I feel my work is always evolving (and hopefully improving), I still approach each dog’s portrait as I did with my very first.  My initial painting of Smooch was inspired by his morning greeting – his snout peaking over the side of my bed as he anxiously awaits for us to begin our day.  I’m fortunate to have stumbled upon a perspective that other dog lovers experience daily and find endearing.

Smooch (the original), 2009

MM: Do you have any thoughts on grief, creativity, and healing that you would like to share from the front line of pet portraits? I know several dog artists who have stopped painting dogs for because it can be so intense.  Do you still enjoy it?

JR: My first dog portrait was a simple exercise to lift my spirits following several sad personal events.  An innocent enough painting of my absolute favorite thing, Smooch, truly changed the direction of my art and my life.   For the past four years, dogs have been the subjects of every painting I have undertaken, and I have no desire to change direction.

I’m honored each time I’m contacted by a dog lover that would like me to capture their favorite companion’s image. Each time a client responds to their completed painting with tears of gratitude, it reinforces for me that I’ve made the right decision in choosing dogs as the subjects of my work. There’s something special about animal lovers and without exception each client experience has been wonderful and many have resulted in great friendships.

MM: Thank you so much for your portraits of my boys.  I treasure them.

Visit James Ruby's website to commission a portrait of your dog.

Gwendolyn Huneck Dies

Flowers and Butterflies by Stephen Huneck

I am sad to report that Gwendolyn Huneck, Stephen Huneck's widow, died on Sunday.  She was a fierce advocate for Stephen's legacy and for keeping Dog Mountain, their Vermont gallery and sanctuary, open to the public after he committed suicide.

The gallery stated, “Gwen became a beacon for people who had lost loved ones and pets and we think she absorbed a lot of that emotion and she may have had difficulty in releasing it.”

Condolences are coming in from all over on the memorial Facebook page.

On a personal note, Dog Mountain Gallery had recently started advertising on Dog Art Today.  I was honored to hear that Gwen had read my blog and liked its message.  It was bittersweet to go through Stephen's work and pick which one to use for an ad.  Flowers and Butterflies (above) was one of my favorites.  And, I was surprised that there were pieces I hadn't seen before.  Gallery manager, Kim Daggett, said that they keep discovering new works to share.   I hope that those works can sustain Dog Mountain and bring comfort to the Hunecks' friends and family during this heartbreaking time.  Rest in peace.

Burlington Free Press.

6.6.13 update: The Vermont State Police report Gwen took her own life by intentionally burning charcoal inside.  She died of carbon monoxide poisoning.

Neil Gaiman: The Power of the Dog. Cabal (2003 - 2013)

Cabal and Neil Gaiman Unconditional Love by Kimberly Butler

Earlier this week, writer and graphic novelist, Neil Gaiman, wrote about the death of his dog, Cabal.   His journal entry begins, "Sometimes, these things are hard to write. And sometimes writing them saves my life. This is one of those times I'm glad I have my blog here, and it's still so hard to write..."

Click here to read his post about "The Power of the Dog."

Howard Stern Openly Mourns His Dog's Death

 

 

Bianca Romijn-Stamos-O'Connell-Ostrosky-Stern by Howard Stern via Marla Porter

However you feel about Howard Stern (I happen to feel he is multitalented performance artist), I think he did a great service to all dog lovers, especially men, when he shared his grief last week over the loss of his dog, an English Bulldog named Bianca Romijn-Stamos-O'Connell-Ostrosky-Stern.

Here is an excerpt of his Sirius XM radio show on Wednesday, July 18, the day after she passed away via OTC.

"I've learned I'm human because I'm so touched by my dog," said Stern, who has Bianca's name tattooed on his arm. "My dog taught me how to love - love deeper. When my kids were born, of course you realize a level of love that you never thought you'd have. But this was a very different experience in that even your kids grow up and move away from you."

"I spent the whole day crying," he said. "My daughter Ashley came over and we were crying. The two of us were just crying like babies."

"I had made a vow, I don't know, a couple of months ago, because Bianca's health was declining," the radio host said. "I said, you know, for as long as I've got my good girl with me, I'm going to, every morning, I'm going to spend 15 minutes, half hour, whatever it is, just rubbing her belly and doing what she likes to do. This is tough for me. I'm really bummed."

Howard's wife, Beth Ostrosky Stern is a passionate advocate for dog rescue and active with the North Shore Animal League Rescue.  She is also the author of the book Oh My Dog: How to Choose, Train, Groom, Nurture, Feed and Care for Your New Best Friend.

Rest in peace, Bianca.